Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Deciding to trust
decide - 1. To settle conclusively all contention or uncertainty about. 2. To make up one's mind. Talking to a friend the other night on the phone, I spoke to him about my current romantic situation which I am very happy with and a little anxious about. I think we all experience a little bit (or maybe a lot) of anxiety when it comes to choosing boyfriends, girlfriends, life partners, etc. We are sharing ourselves with another person - not just our body, but our mind, heart and spirit. However, prior to that sharing we have to make our minds up about whether this person deserves to be let "all the way in." As I was speaking with my friend, the following words rolled out of my mouth... "I have made a decision to trust him." I should offer the caveat that trusting another person with the aforementioned components of myself is not something I take lightly. But when we "decide to trust", we have taken all the evidence into account and made or minds p that this person is worth opening up for.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Flaws and all
I just read an article discussing the topic of loving ourselves wholeheartedly, this includes loving those things which we perceive to be our "flaws." I can identify with this, as I have often been hard on myself for some things.
Sensitivity - Throughout the years, I have been hard on myself about being "too sensitive" or "too kind" or "too nice" - and on more than several occasions, I've endured the condescending attitudes of others who've pointed out that I was "too nice." More often than not, I took it personally and began to see it as a weakness. But in truth, maybe it's high time that I viewed it as a strength!
In this world, where people do jobs they don't want to do, live in arrangements that don't really make them happy, etc. I think my sensitivity to all things actually PROTECTS me and SERVES ME in the interest of helping me to survive and to grow. It was my sensitivity and my intuition that helped me to see that I needed to remove myself from the Chicago life for a while - if not permanently, instead of denying that I was no longer enjoying myself there. It was my sensitivity and caring nature that reminded me of who I was when things got tough while living there - it didn't allow me to do work or be around people whose behavior I found abhorrent. If that sounds judgmental, so be it. But it's the truth of how I felt. I love my ability to tap into that side of myself, because it fuels my desire to see the world become a better place, it replenishes my creativity and it energizes me when I suffer from occasional bouts of a lack of motivation.
Actually, the more that I think about it - people often flippantly ask, "what can we do to make the world a better place?" I think one of the ingredients to improvement would certainly be sensitivity!! Not in a passive, "are you okay, are you feeling okay" kind of way, but being sensitive in the ways we relate to one another, taking the time to show respect and have compassion for one another - to ENJOY each other. Being sensitive, being nice, being kind is important - and this CAN be achieved without being perceived or treated like a doormat!Yes it can!
Sensitivity - Throughout the years, I have been hard on myself about being "too sensitive" or "too kind" or "too nice" - and on more than several occasions, I've endured the condescending attitudes of others who've pointed out that I was "too nice." More often than not, I took it personally and began to see it as a weakness. But in truth, maybe it's high time that I viewed it as a strength!
In this world, where people do jobs they don't want to do, live in arrangements that don't really make them happy, etc. I think my sensitivity to all things actually PROTECTS me and SERVES ME in the interest of helping me to survive and to grow. It was my sensitivity and my intuition that helped me to see that I needed to remove myself from the Chicago life for a while - if not permanently, instead of denying that I was no longer enjoying myself there. It was my sensitivity and caring nature that reminded me of who I was when things got tough while living there - it didn't allow me to do work or be around people whose behavior I found abhorrent. If that sounds judgmental, so be it. But it's the truth of how I felt. I love my ability to tap into that side of myself, because it fuels my desire to see the world become a better place, it replenishes my creativity and it energizes me when I suffer from occasional bouts of a lack of motivation.
Actually, the more that I think about it - people often flippantly ask, "what can we do to make the world a better place?" I think one of the ingredients to improvement would certainly be sensitivity!! Not in a passive, "are you okay, are you feeling okay" kind of way, but being sensitive in the ways we relate to one another, taking the time to show respect and have compassion for one another - to ENJOY each other. Being sensitive, being nice, being kind is important - and this CAN be achieved without being perceived or treated like a doormat!Yes it can!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
My Quarter-Life Crisis Pt. 1
I am a 28 year old male - and I have to say that the last 4 years or so of my life has been a whirlwind - sometimes great, filled with novelty, pleasure and grand experiences that any twentysomething would love to have, but also tough times- growing pains, setbacks, losing friends, re-locating, etc.
I read on another blog this evening about how great it is to get older, and the amount of self-confidence that comes with this process. I personally believe that a major contributor to that confidence is those "tough" experiences that prune us and make us stronger and more thick-skinned to the changing weather in our lives. On the phone with Mom the other day, I recall mentioning how I don't panic when something goes awry like I used to. Reason being, the challenges that I've encountered over the past four years has given me a sense of perspective - a point of reference to measure new situations against.
Another area in which I've really grown is in not feeling the need to go out so much. I've also been distancing myself from people who go out too much - and who I feel are no longer the kind of people I want in my life in general. Those who are "drinking their sorrows away", whether they acknowledge it or not. That was never my approach to dealing with problems, but it often seemed that it was so easy to just fall into that way of life - it always seemed like an easy way out, vis-a-vis working through problems in a healthy way. But even more generally, I don't feel the need to be on the scene - it's kind of a "been there done that" thing, I've done the tailgating, the bar, the clubs, going out to eat after a night out - I've done those things ad nauseam, and while it can be fun once in a while in the right company, I'd much rather spend the evening getting some good rest or enjoying the company of a significant other.
I sometimes worry about if getting my Masters will pay off - its such a "high class problem" to have isn't it?? This notion at times boggles me both financially, personally, and academically. I will have some loans to pay back, that is a given - but sometimes I wonder what is my starting pay going to look like? But you know what - it truly is pointless to worry about, because I learned in Chicago the importance of doing work that suits you rather than doing work that is constantly draining your spirit - which is actually the most important and vital currency one has. However, I don't down my previous work experiences, I think that they do look impressive and to be honest I really need to give myself more praise than what I do.
Over the past year, and especially since I've relocated, I think that I've really come into my own regarding sexuality. I feel that I am finally learning how to define myself not solely by my race/heritage, nor by my sexual orientation, but instead defining me by my own standards and values - and being much less concerned about how others are perceiving my actions.
What I once conceived of as being destined to a life of loneliness and marginalization has now become a life of freedom and feeling empowered, because of not defining myself using those narrow labels. I think that the more we follow our own PERSONAL principles, standards and values - using that inner locus to guide us, the more confidence we have in the face of any external influences or perceived influences placed on us by our "race" or whatever other group categorization which we fall under.
I read on another blog this evening about how great it is to get older, and the amount of self-confidence that comes with this process. I personally believe that a major contributor to that confidence is those "tough" experiences that prune us and make us stronger and more thick-skinned to the changing weather in our lives. On the phone with Mom the other day, I recall mentioning how I don't panic when something goes awry like I used to. Reason being, the challenges that I've encountered over the past four years has given me a sense of perspective - a point of reference to measure new situations against.
Another area in which I've really grown is in not feeling the need to go out so much. I've also been distancing myself from people who go out too much - and who I feel are no longer the kind of people I want in my life in general. Those who are "drinking their sorrows away", whether they acknowledge it or not. That was never my approach to dealing with problems, but it often seemed that it was so easy to just fall into that way of life - it always seemed like an easy way out, vis-a-vis working through problems in a healthy way. But even more generally, I don't feel the need to be on the scene - it's kind of a "been there done that" thing, I've done the tailgating, the bar, the clubs, going out to eat after a night out - I've done those things ad nauseam, and while it can be fun once in a while in the right company, I'd much rather spend the evening getting some good rest or enjoying the company of a significant other.
I sometimes worry about if getting my Masters will pay off - its such a "high class problem" to have isn't it?? This notion at times boggles me both financially, personally, and academically. I will have some loans to pay back, that is a given - but sometimes I wonder what is my starting pay going to look like? But you know what - it truly is pointless to worry about, because I learned in Chicago the importance of doing work that suits you rather than doing work that is constantly draining your spirit - which is actually the most important and vital currency one has. However, I don't down my previous work experiences, I think that they do look impressive and to be honest I really need to give myself more praise than what I do.
Over the past year, and especially since I've relocated, I think that I've really come into my own regarding sexuality. I feel that I am finally learning how to define myself not solely by my race/heritage, nor by my sexual orientation, but instead defining me by my own standards and values - and being much less concerned about how others are perceiving my actions.
What I once conceived of as being destined to a life of loneliness and marginalization has now become a life of freedom and feeling empowered, because of not defining myself using those narrow labels. I think that the more we follow our own PERSONAL principles, standards and values - using that inner locus to guide us, the more confidence we have in the face of any external influences or perceived influences placed on us by our "race" or whatever other group categorization which we fall under.
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