Yesterday I experienced a lot of different emotions, and I have been trying to control them. Well, not control them but manage them. I think I still sometimes concern myself too much what people are thinking when they see me, and where I am in life. On the whole, if I were to look at myself - I would say that I am doing very well, I am headed to graduate school in June for Social Work at University of Illinois-Champaign - I am currently working at a good pizza place and getting really good hours thus far - nothing wrong with that!!
I need to hold onto the idea that I am destined for greatness, no matter what. Being a great parent, a great partner, a great person, a great (insert job title here)....lol.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
Pain
This is a poem that I just wrote tonight, I think I wrote to sort of explain what pain is. We often brush over it, but I think I do a decent job of describing what it actually is....it's just a little something.
Pain is the absence of life's joy
And the presence of the sorrows of the past and present
And worries about the uncertainties of the future
No living creature can escape the pain of life
Loss, grief, breakup, breakdown
Pain is inherent to the natural world
In order to feed and clothe ourselves
Life is taken, whether flora or fauna
Death brings life
I look at pain, much as I do death
It must be looked at sometime in life
And we must realize that it teaches us how to live
To know death, is to know the preciousness of life
To know pain, is to know the beauty of joy
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Decisions, decisions....
Yesterday I received my letter of acceptance to the Master of Social Work program at University of Illinois Champaign-Urbana! I am very happy about having another option, and I am getting close to the part of the graduate process where a decision has to be made.
In the coming weeks, following my visits to 2-3 potential schools, I will make my decision based on several factors. 1) Program Quality/Reputation - How will a degree from the institution help me with my future goals including professional/career opportunities as well as possible doctoral level study? 2) Cost/Financial Assistance Available - How much will the degree cost me, and what kinds of assistance is available? 3) Location - Will I feel comfortable and welcome? What opportunities are there to network, socialize, and to get out from time to time.
I do feel torn in some ways between the two options. But both paths (academic/professional) are great opportunities. University of Illinois at Champaign-Urbana is certainly a very reputable institution, one that I feel can open a lot of doors both inside and outside of the academic world, should I choose to pursue that route at some point.
I am not going to put any pressure at all on myself to choose until after I've made these visits, until then I am going to bask in the glow of the comfort of knowing I have options. This is such a blessing! That's about all for now.
"Be great always...and don't be scared to die for the truth." -Me
In the coming weeks, following my visits to 2-3 potential schools, I will make my decision based on several factors. 1) Program Quality/Reputation - How will a degree from the institution help me with my future goals including professional/career opportunities as well as possible doctoral level study? 2) Cost/Financial Assistance Available - How much will the degree cost me, and what kinds of assistance is available? 3) Location - Will I feel comfortable and welcome? What opportunities are there to network, socialize, and to get out from time to time.
I do feel torn in some ways between the two options. But both paths (academic/professional) are great opportunities. University of Illinois at Champaign-Urbana is certainly a very reputable institution, one that I feel can open a lot of doors both inside and outside of the academic world, should I choose to pursue that route at some point.
I am not going to put any pressure at all on myself to choose until after I've made these visits, until then I am going to bask in the glow of the comfort of knowing I have options. This is such a blessing! That's about all for now.
"Be great always...and don't be scared to die for the truth." -Me
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Spring is springing already...
March 4, 2010
Well, it seems that Spring is underway - the temperature seems to be following an upward trend already, here in early March! This week its going to be in the upper thirties and low to mid-forties - this is exciting! I am happy for this change in weather, although this winter hasn't been nearly as harsh as last year. Of course, last winter I had to go to and from work in it on public transportation - so my perspective might just be different this year.
I haven't really done a whole lot in the way of job hunting since Tuesday, coming back from Dekalb and e-mailing the business administrator @ my old job regarding a data position.
I want to get back on it, but I feel that I'm a little worn out - I will continue to pursue opportunities and keep my options open.
I read a little bit of "The Alchemist" last night and I started thinking a bit about what my "Personal Legend" is, described in the book as 'one's own destiny or dream that has been desiring to be manifested by the person's soul within the physical world.' I was temporarily unnerved because I began to have some fear/doubt about my graduate school pursuits. Thoughts like, am I afraid to pursue my music? Following the book's logic,I would assume it's my personal legend. Am I choosing graduate school out of fear, i.e. a means of finding some sort of security?
I began thinking that maybe it's more complex, and not so specific. Can we have "personal legends", not a single legend, but a variety of different desires, experiences, and goals that we'd like to achieve? Music is something that I really truly love,and I love singing and peforming - but I also love ideas, sharing ideas, talking, reading, gaining new wisdoms that come from traveling and immersing myself in new experiences. I believe that personal legends can be manifested ANYTIME in life, and shouldn't have to be crammed into one specific period of one's life - that's a lot of useless strain and pressure to put upon oneself. Cultivation of different interests can be constantly worked at and improved throughout life.
I personally am against and a little suspicious of mass hysteria and scapegoats that put fear in people that convince them to do things. For example, swine flu (I never got the shot, I had a bout with the 24-hour flu in early fall and then I was fine), or using the state of the economy as the reason to do or not do something. I am not going to graduate school because I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life, nor am I "dodging" the real world. I am going because I love the subject of Sociology, want to learn more, and would like to pursue an academic career. I however, am flexible and remain open to other outcomes also. I believe that learning about others, writing about things that matter to me, and serving others are also crucial components of my personal legend(s).
I got a text from a friend early this morning whom I was in relationship with for six months, we ended it mutually about two months ago. He seems like he wasn't feeling too well, because of some drama that has been going on with some friends of his. I understand his feelings, and I just tried to encourage him and tell him that it will pass. I love him and care for him a lot, so I am sending nothing but good thoughts his way because he certainly deserves the best and to be happy as well.
That's about all for now.
"Be great always...and don't be scared to die for the truth."
-Soulllfulvirgo
Well, it seems that Spring is underway - the temperature seems to be following an upward trend already, here in early March! This week its going to be in the upper thirties and low to mid-forties - this is exciting! I am happy for this change in weather, although this winter hasn't been nearly as harsh as last year. Of course, last winter I had to go to and from work in it on public transportation - so my perspective might just be different this year.
I haven't really done a whole lot in the way of job hunting since Tuesday, coming back from Dekalb and e-mailing the business administrator @ my old job regarding a data position.
I want to get back on it, but I feel that I'm a little worn out - I will continue to pursue opportunities and keep my options open.
I read a little bit of "The Alchemist" last night and I started thinking a bit about what my "Personal Legend" is, described in the book as 'one's own destiny or dream that has been desiring to be manifested by the person's soul within the physical world.' I was temporarily unnerved because I began to have some fear/doubt about my graduate school pursuits. Thoughts like, am I afraid to pursue my music? Following the book's logic,I would assume it's my personal legend. Am I choosing graduate school out of fear, i.e. a means of finding some sort of security?
I began thinking that maybe it's more complex, and not so specific. Can we have "personal legends", not a single legend, but a variety of different desires, experiences, and goals that we'd like to achieve? Music is something that I really truly love,and I love singing and peforming - but I also love ideas, sharing ideas, talking, reading, gaining new wisdoms that come from traveling and immersing myself in new experiences. I believe that personal legends can be manifested ANYTIME in life, and shouldn't have to be crammed into one specific period of one's life - that's a lot of useless strain and pressure to put upon oneself. Cultivation of different interests can be constantly worked at and improved throughout life.
I personally am against and a little suspicious of mass hysteria and scapegoats that put fear in people that convince them to do things. For example, swine flu (I never got the shot, I had a bout with the 24-hour flu in early fall and then I was fine), or using the state of the economy as the reason to do or not do something. I am not going to graduate school because I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life, nor am I "dodging" the real world. I am going because I love the subject of Sociology, want to learn more, and would like to pursue an academic career. I however, am flexible and remain open to other outcomes also. I believe that learning about others, writing about things that matter to me, and serving others are also crucial components of my personal legend(s).
I got a text from a friend early this morning whom I was in relationship with for six months, we ended it mutually about two months ago. He seems like he wasn't feeling too well, because of some drama that has been going on with some friends of his. I understand his feelings, and I just tried to encourage him and tell him that it will pass. I love him and care for him a lot, so I am sending nothing but good thoughts his way because he certainly deserves the best and to be happy as well.
That's about all for now.
"Be great always...and don't be scared to die for the truth."
-Soulllfulvirgo
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Admitted to graduate schools!
So I've recently found out that I so far have been admitted to three Masters in Sociology programs, and I am very happy about it! I was notified by Northern Illinois University in Dekalb, IL first - that I had been accepted. Depaul University in Chicago, IL just sent me a letter of acceptance last week. And finally, Loyola University Chicago sent me a letter of acceptance yesterday. I am very happy to have these options, because my goal was to get into graduate school in the fall 2010, no matter what else happens - and I have. I put my mind to it, sacrificed the time, and used the time that I have been unemployed very wisely and it has paid off tremendously.
I've visited all three campuses, and two of the three departments. Just yesterday, I was in Dekalb, IL and I got a chance to check out the town and the campus. I was satisfied with both, it's a "sleepy college town" as my mother put it. The people there are friendly, and the Sociology department (although I have yet to visit) seems to be filled with active scholars and good students. I must confess, I am leaning toward Northern Illinois University right now because of the quality of the professors, it's a smaller community (which means fewer distractions) and also a quieter environment.
I hung out with a friend last night, and we discussed my potential options. He favored Chicago over Dekalb, but he understood my point of view also. It seems people are trying to convince me to stay in Chicago, and I understand their perspectives - who wouldn't want to continue to live in and go to graduate school in a thriving metropolis, right? But it's also expensive, there's always a lot going on, and you can feel lost sometimes.
I feel that I'd prefer to do graduate school in a quieter place, because I feel that the potential for meeting people and establishing good work and personal relationships with people will be better. I think I would be more successful and better student there also. I am really trying to tune into my intuition on this choice - and if I broke my motivations down into "love/openness" and "fear" - I'd say that "fear", specifically the "fear" of a change would be a large factor in causing me to remain in Chicago. The fear that I wouldn't be able to transition to a smaller place like Dekalb. But out of love for life, and love of openness - I want to experience something new - and plus it's only for two years - and Chicago is only a one hour drive away from NIU - basically right down the street!
Loyola doesn't interest me too much, although it has a good name and reputation. I may find it more desirable if they have good funding for masters students, that trumps NIU.
I like Chicago, I like city life, but it can wear you out. You get tired of it, although it can be a great ride! I feel that hunger inside of me for something new and different again - and I have never been to a place like Dekalb before. If I do decide to go there, I will refrain from complaining about absolutely anything - one thing I'm learning in this life is that no matter what, I am responsible for my own happiness no matter where I am living.
In terms of Sociology, I had an inspiration this morning about doing research on Native American populations, especially on reservations. I would love to do some research on a reservation and live on one for an extended period of time - I'm beginning to see how much I love cultural immersion. To me, it's one of the most meaningful and fulfilling things you can do in life, to live like someone else - exchange life experiences, ideas, and each of you carries those things with you for life.
That's about it for now.
"Be great, always....and don't scared to die for the truth." -Me
I've visited all three campuses, and two of the three departments. Just yesterday, I was in Dekalb, IL and I got a chance to check out the town and the campus. I was satisfied with both, it's a "sleepy college town" as my mother put it. The people there are friendly, and the Sociology department (although I have yet to visit) seems to be filled with active scholars and good students. I must confess, I am leaning toward Northern Illinois University right now because of the quality of the professors, it's a smaller community (which means fewer distractions) and also a quieter environment.
I hung out with a friend last night, and we discussed my potential options. He favored Chicago over Dekalb, but he understood my point of view also. It seems people are trying to convince me to stay in Chicago, and I understand their perspectives - who wouldn't want to continue to live in and go to graduate school in a thriving metropolis, right? But it's also expensive, there's always a lot going on, and you can feel lost sometimes.
I feel that I'd prefer to do graduate school in a quieter place, because I feel that the potential for meeting people and establishing good work and personal relationships with people will be better. I think I would be more successful and better student there also. I am really trying to tune into my intuition on this choice - and if I broke my motivations down into "love/openness" and "fear" - I'd say that "fear", specifically the "fear" of a change would be a large factor in causing me to remain in Chicago. The fear that I wouldn't be able to transition to a smaller place like Dekalb. But out of love for life, and love of openness - I want to experience something new - and plus it's only for two years - and Chicago is only a one hour drive away from NIU - basically right down the street!
Loyola doesn't interest me too much, although it has a good name and reputation. I may find it more desirable if they have good funding for masters students, that trumps NIU.
I like Chicago, I like city life, but it can wear you out. You get tired of it, although it can be a great ride! I feel that hunger inside of me for something new and different again - and I have never been to a place like Dekalb before. If I do decide to go there, I will refrain from complaining about absolutely anything - one thing I'm learning in this life is that no matter what, I am responsible for my own happiness no matter where I am living.
In terms of Sociology, I had an inspiration this morning about doing research on Native American populations, especially on reservations. I would love to do some research on a reservation and live on one for an extended period of time - I'm beginning to see how much I love cultural immersion. To me, it's one of the most meaningful and fulfilling things you can do in life, to live like someone else - exchange life experiences, ideas, and each of you carries those things with you for life.
That's about it for now.
"Be great, always....and don't scared to die for the truth." -Me
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